After She’s Gone: Part 2

Rethinking We, Us and Ours

Now instead of We, Us and Ours’ it is Me, Myself and Mine. That may seem like a minor thing, but after 27 years of We, Us and Ours, it is a transition in thinking. I find myself saying things like “We’ll be there” or “That is ours” automatically, without thinking. Even going back to when we first started dating in 1974, there are a million neural pathways in the brain that map redundant actions and reactions. So even something as simple as the “slip” of “ours” instead of “mine” is cause for mourning. It’s just another reminder that Carol is not here. The reminders are big and small, but it is these little things that can be the most profound. But honestly, I’m really trying not to get too caught up in the emotional battle of those things, as painful as they can be. Instead I’m trying to be thankful…

God wants us to be thankful. He even makes thankfulness an integral element in the “peace that passes all understanding.” (Phil.4:6-7) What is motivating me in this is that I have had for the last 27 years something that very few people seem to have; genuine marital bliss. Maybe we have been an example that it is actually possible to do. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but there really was not anything we might call “a rough patch”. I’m not kidding and I am not trying to romanticize my past. Maybe the fact that we never had children was a part of that, I don’t know. We just took God at His Word and tried our best to do what He told us to do. Now, admittedly, loving Carol was a very easy thing to do! No big struggle there. The amazing act of grace is that she so cheerfully put up with me for all those years! Maybe she’d be writing these same things here if the tables were turned, I think maybe so.

So as I work on the million neural pathways I am trying to thank God for such a one as Carol, that for 27 years of marriage and the other 8 years of knowing her, it was as good as anyone can have it. Thankful indeed. So if you talk to me and you hear me say things like “we”, “us” and “ours”, you’ll know I’m still working on it. Honestly, after only 8 weeks I am surprised I’ve made this much progress. Then again, it’s been the longest 8 weeks of my life.

Grace to you all,
Brian